Discussions over Tea (Of course, cutting maar ke)

Tuesday, September 09, 2003

PERSONAL : How to open a bottle of wine

The following are tried and tested instructions on how to open a bottle of wine. For good effect, a 1997 Chateau Laroque will be the ideal sample.
  1. Get together three amateur drinkers at one AM on a Sunday morning.
  2. As tools use a 1975-bought bottle/cork opener. The older the better, as it is with the wine.
  3. Amateur 1, should drill the cork screw into the obstinate 3" cork and use all his might to try pulling it out. While he managed to break the cork into smaller pieces thereby eroding about a few millimeters from the top, amateur 2 should also try to do the same
  4. In the background, womanly advice about how it would be better if we got professional help, should drone on, unheeded. For the record, add wine opening to the list (item#1 : maps) of things men will not ask help for.
  5. When amateur 1 and 2 have tried 3 attempts each, damaging the cork to such an extent that you can now see pieces of the cork in the wine and glass has been chipped from the bottle neck, womanly advice about how we should get professional help suddenly reached their till-now-blocked ears. Amateurs to look at each other and say "Now, that's a good idea!". (Woman to do whatever she does in life in such situations)
  6. At 1.20 AM land up at the Park Sheraton and head to the bar carrying the bottle of wine.
  7. Bartenders to refuse entry to the bar, inspite of passionate appeals that the guilty don't want to drink, but rather just want a bottle opened. Participants to look at each other wondering whether they look like drunkards already
  8. Participants to walk over to the lobby, and sheepishly explain what we want.
  9. Lobby manager smiles benevolently and summons knight in shining armour.
  10. Knight attempts opening in front of us, fails and proceeds inside (probably to have a good laugh and share the joke with his mates) and returns with the bottle 10 minutes later much to the delight of the amateurs

Statutory warning: This stunt is performed by highly qualified amateurs and might not be successful if repeated by the experience user.

End of Post

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